Last week I watched a talk show on TV. The discussion was about the poor sex ration in India. As per one of the participants about a million female fetuses are aborted every year. This, in spite of the fact that sex determination is illegal in India. In some regions like Punjab the ratio is as low as 725 females for every 1000 males. The sex ratio in India is 933(the world average in 1025). There were many interesting opinions expressed during the discussion.
One doctor was strongly in favor of sex determination. He asked “What is the purpose of bringing an unwanted child into this world. If the parents don’t want a girl child, wouldn’t the child have to face rejection though out her life?” There was another lady who had gone to the court stating, she had two girl children and she wanted a boy, so she should be allowed to determine the sex of her baby. She claimed that it would be the same if she had two boys and wanted a girl. To that someone replied, ”You cannot have designer families”
An expecting mother said that she would like to know the sex of her child, not because she wanted to select the sex but more because she would be able to bond better with her unborn child. A doctor, who was the creator of the first test tube baby in India said, “Banning sex determination without examining and correcting the larger social context which results in people not wanting a girl child, would be of no use. That is why this law is such a failure in India”.
That is an interesting point of view. I tried to examine this bias from my own social context. Having been born in family of generations of educated women, I never ever felt disadvantaged because of my gender. My mother and my grandma are both post graduates. I always assumed that this kind of bias toward boys, happens in a different class of society. I later discovered this is not true at all.
I was discussing this with my grandma. She has three girls, my mother being the eldest. She said that when her third daughter was born after a gap of 10 years, people refused to break the news to her. They thought she might die of shock and disappointment. My grandma told, “ I could not understand what all the fuss was about. But I understand now”. She is 80 years old and although she is financially independent she cannot live alone. She lives with my mom. She feels it is her son-in-law’s house. Whereas if she had a son, she could rightfully live with him. The second reason she gave was very interesting, “As a mother you are very emotionally invested in your daughters. Till you die their problems are yours, their children’s problems are yours. You always feel the need to protect them. Whereas with sons, after they are married you do not have that level of involvement in their life. You don’t feel so much pain”. I am not sure I agree with this argument. I have a son myself and I can’t think of any time when I would not feel the need to protect him or feel less emotionally invested in him.
My dad has two daughters and now I recall several instances when people used to express regret that he does not have a son. I just cannot understand this attitude. If people who are poor, are dependent on their sons for financial support, who do not have the means to get their daughters married what to have boys, it is understandable. I wonder why this bias among people who have practically nothing loose by having a daughter.
Long ago I read an article written by an American journalist about female infanticide prevalent in several villages in South India. Most of these people live in appalling poverty and just cannot afford a female child. Whereas she found many women in Mumbai, who were rich and educated and hence had access to illegal sex determination clinics and routinely got their female fetuses aborted. She says she had less sympathy for these women then those poverty stricken women in villages who killed their female children in desperation.
Do let me know what you think what you think about this issue. Why is there are predominant preference for a male child in our society? Do you think banning sex determination is the solution to the problem?
Good post Archana.
The main reason ought to be that we are a male-chauvinistic society. I think the government is right in banning because it is a statement we are making about it. People flout many laws in India and this law is no exception. However, as you point out we can’t stop with passing a law. We need to work to create an environment where women are empowered. I think we are sorely lacking on that front even amidst upper class families.
Age old traditions die slow. Male children were important because they kept the family tree alive. And females were a burden because of the amount of dowry went with them. I can understand when a very poor woman aborts a girl child. She does that in desperation. But its hard to understand when well educated people do that.
Abortions are done even without knowing the gender. That is a very common thing. But to kill the child after knowing the Gender gives abortion a very different dimension.
Yes, laws should be made stringent but in India we are very good at finding loopholes and bribing out our ways. So, I wonder if this might be a practical solution…
Great one. I think early sex determination is each individual’s freedom to know but the purpose is really important. I think for the sake of democracy we can allow early sex determination but we can ban abortion state by state.
Subba
Sukumar – Thanks Sukumar. I don’t know if it is as simple as that. Nowadays there are many working women, I wonder if their families have a reduced bias towards a girl child.
Amit and Subba – Thanks for those thoughts.
Thought provoking post Archana ! We Indians are male chauvinistic and I feel changing societal norms will work towards removing the bias against the girl child.
Nice post!
I was wondering about a third reason [first two being financial burden and clear preference for the male child]. Most mothers are women themselves and if they do not want a girl child I wonder whether they still think it disadvantageous to live the life of a girl even today?? If they had no regrets of being a woman, why would they think of aborting their child?
There are lots of biases in our society. Fairer skin-color, command over the English-language, white-collared jobs, NRIs etc. Although these are less serious, the underlying reason for it all is the attitude ingrained into us over years. And we always see that things change with time, even if slowly. Even if only in some factions of society.
But what I feel makes the gender-bias against women different is that it is a universal phenomenon and so much more deep rooted. Even the developed nation where female infanticide is no longer an issue, there are various other ways in which women still do not equal men. So, even though the female-infanticide rate must have come down from what it was in past, and we might see some positive change in this respect in future — I think this change will be rather slow and difficult.
Also, having bias towards a male child is different from wanting to kill a girl child. Your grandmother might today wish she had a son to live with in old age (again a societal custom which makes you feel you’ve right over son’s income and not daughter’s), but if she had a choice I am sure she would not say it is okay to abort a child for being a girl. That’s a change, for she is educated.
As for banning early sex determination — I think we need it. If we did not have it, the very handful of folks who fear that law will also be free to go ahead. If we allow abortions and we allow people to determine the sex of the baby — how exactly do we stop female-infanticide?
As for the exceptions — I do understand some points being raised. I feel I cannot force people and say “you cannot have a designer family”. Why not, if the technology makes it possible and that’s what they want. But they do not seem grave enough reasons to me to warrant relaxing this law when we still have not resolved the issue of female-infanticide.
Hi Archana,
This is probably attributed to the male dominated society we have been living in…..
May not be related to ur post ….But one information on a statue i came across recently.
I found a statue in the temple at Belur of Shiva and Parvati seated on a throne..the throne was tilted towards Shiva..and this is over 800 years old…so I guess it has been the norm for 100s of years….i am sure it will change in some time…and we can see the change around us….
I find it interesting that micro-finance institutions in India greatly favor lending money to women over men. They say that this is because men waste the money on alcohol and other selfish and useless things whereas women use the money to support their family.
Statistics show that women who receive micro-finance loans earn their way out of poverty, put all their resources into their families and get their children in school and educated as soon as it is possible.
If it is the females that are looking to their family’s and children’s futures, it would seem to me that the female should be regarded as the future of India and would be more valued than the male.
Quite a thought-provoking question… I think the obsession for male children stems from the hope that it is alright to live with a male child in the last years of your life while it is wrong to burden your daughter by doing so. Ultimately, despite the family values, we, humans, are often worried about the long run and no one wants to be a burden on anyone, especially in their late years.
But I fail to understand the logic behind this idea. A son, in an Indian scenario, is the earning member of the family and hence he seldom has little time to look after his own family. While a daughter, who often play the role of housewives, could look after their aged parents better. But I think these systems are changing with the advent of the working couples these days. All in all, a child is going to love his/her parents the same way, irrespective of the gender, though this is based on his upbringing. And thus, parents shouldnt discriminate a child based on gender either.
Archana – Good post & interesting comments.
Male chauvinism will not die quickly just because women get college degrees & work outside their homes. Such a systemic problem will die a slow death. As Karthik says, things are changing around us.
Why do people favor male children? Sheer stupidity, what else. Let’s exclude people who already have girls & want male children for variety from the “stupid” list. They are stupid because its easier to lead an unthinking life.
I think banning the gender determination test is akin to attacking the symptoms without curing the cause. That is so typical of Indian administrators. But, in a country like India, we probably need to do both.
Hi there,
U have brought to the fore an issue thats probably as old as civilisation itself.The first thing i wish to point out is that the preference for the male child is not only restricted to Indian societies but is also largerly prevalent among other Asian communities as well.
Now coming to the point, there are a number of reasons why there seems to be a preference for the male child. I am not going mention them all for the sake of brevity.
As i see it, males tend to be more independent and less prone to violence and abuse. The independence part of it allows parents to go about their own work and the latter gives them a peace of mind. I remember how tensed my mother used to get when my sis used to be late from college but never really treated me the same way when i was delayed.
As to what can be done to reduce the bias…depriving ourselves of predictive technology will not help at all because its the mindset thats telling people to abort female fetuses and the technology itself…like the Americans like to say guns dont kill people but its rather people who kill people…likewise its the mothers here who kill their fetuses and not the technology itself…so our fight against female infanticide should be focussed on mindsets and how they can be changed for the better…
Hi Archana,
Its very nice article. I do agree being a woman. I could find the following reasons:
1. We are living in a male chauvenistic world. Although there has been talks on giving equal importance to women, its only in conversation but not in reality. The trend is slowly changing.
2. There is a belief that the male child is the one who is going to take care of the family and parents at their old age….
I would not buy in to that statement for the reason that I see lots of boy’s parents live in “Old age homes”that takes care of them very well than their sons.
There needs to be a transformation. My friend’s mother who is close to 80 lives with her and son in law as she has 2 daughters.
Banning sex determination cannot be considered as the only solution as there are girl child in the villages being killed after birth. There needs to be an awakening that needs to happen.
Thanks!
Hema
Archana,
Thought provoking article. I would like to share my personal incident with you connected to my relative.
My cousin got married at age 23 and he has now two daughters. When his wife delivered the second child, and when he came to know that it is a female child, he burst in to tears, as he was expecting a male child.
This happened some 3 years ago. Now he is very caring towards both his child, even though he did not wish for a girl child..
I doubt, that people will neglect girl child because they expected a male child..
A child is a child, and a girl child cannot be neglected at any time after it was born…
I think today the situation is changing.. In all my relatives cirlces, the recently born child are girl child.. It was a very surprise for me.
Archana… I’m back after a long silence. Good point to ponder about. In a society like ours, where people, coz of social pressure, can live only with their sons rightfully. To me, it seems to be an illusion – what would people do if they only had daughters? Also, for the son-in-laws, the same social pressure makes them avoid keeping their in-laws with them, though they would personally like to do that. The moment a girl child is born, the parents (and their relatives) start talking about numbers – the expenses related to her marriage, which will happen some 25 years later !!!! A girl child has always been seens as a liability. As if all the sons are assets. But we all know what is happening in reality. I think we need some sociological treatment to diffuse this social pressure.
Archana
Preference for a male child has many reasons and all from th epast. These have become deep rooted and we see the impact of that in a very skewed sex ratio in our country.
I feel this will change and religious leaders and prominent opinion makers have to show the way. Recent efforts by the Sikh religious leaders to show restraint and crass display in weddings is one step in the right direction.
Spread of education is another change agent.
We have a choice of letting society evolve which means a generation or two from here. We may not have the time for that or along with this one could add an element of social transformation.
Religion is still a powerful factor. Entwining the message through religion could hasten this process of change.
As a father of two daughters, I have never missed having a son. Many of my friends have one / two daughters as their only children and nobody is upset at this. May our tribe increase.
archana,
i have been introduced to your blog by Mahesh, my brother. Though you have posed a question, for which generations have been searching for answers; the answer is not so simple, because, our views are laced with lot of malaise. According to me, there is no point in discussing…its time for action. Awareness amongst younger generation on the non existing bias and a healthy attitude towards girl children. (easier said than done, i know…but try we must) Secondly, the govt should announce that two child norm is acceptable in India, provided both are girls otherwise only one child, if it is a boy. If the first child to a couple is boy, then they cant have a second child…! If the first child is a girl, then they can have another child…for which sex determination is allowed and after that, the doctor who did should be made resposible to announce the sex determination done and ensure safe delivery of the baby. This may be possible, if the clinics are networked. I may be sounding radical…and impractical…but the bottom line is, it is time for action.
One of the reason i dont understand is that whenever we come across any problem in our society, we would like to paint as historic..
For example, statements like “time immemorial”, or “since civilization” doesnt have any substantiation of proof, but made out of fashion and implicit self-denigrating habit that’s imbibed in us for the past 200 years of british domination..
My simple answer is “Its not..” .. its historic that women had many sufferings.. but as far as i know, there is no historic data substantiating that people preferred only males and abhored females ..
the present preference over male child is a very recent phenomenon (probably past few decades), simply for the fact that till few decades ago there was no means to find whether a child is male of female before it was born..
there were some other very crude and cruel methods like killing the child as soon as it was born if it was female.. this was widely practiced in salem, dharmapuri districts..
And the reason is not just because of girl.. but the Utter poverty.. it has its own justification.. otherwise, what other reasons can we give for the numerous women who were still present in mumbai redlight area and sona kachi of calcutta ..
I could confidently say, that there were many inbuilt mechanisms to protect the girl child, in our traditional society.. please remember i dont claim that women had paradise in that… i am just saying that they had basic protection from abuse and malaise that we are seeing presently..
Those who had come from rural background can understand it very well..
There is one more factor.. majority of the women working in IT fields are from rural background.. and who educated them upto the degree level, so that they could secure a job..
Its the same society, that we are criticising, which was progressive enough a decade back so that today there are so many women working in IT fields..
I feel, this aspect has been continuously overlooked..
We need to learn to look at ourselves positively.. we had lot of positives and lot of negatives..
Let’s appreciate our positive, so that it spreads more to the other side..
Few ideas seem to be too new age kind of thing for me. If you know the sex of the baby inside, I wonder how it would help the mother to bond more effectively with the child. Din’t all the mothers before these scientific developments happened were not able to bond with the child inside irrespective of sex? What can be a great surprise than knowing whether its a girl or a boy just after you give birth to her/him. If these scientific developments were there before few thousand years, I wonder if we could be discussing this topic here or not – I think humanity would have ended somewhere…
The problem is rooted more socially than an individual problem. There are more responsibilities that come with the girl compared to a boy. Imagine if there is no dowry, no eve teasing, no domestic violence and gender equality in all aspects of the society – there will not be any issue to give birth to a girl child. We have to address these root causes first.
Happy Deepavali to you and your family.
We think that Indians have matured and we’ve come a long way to accept that a women is no less than a man in any aspect. But has it really changed?
I’m pregnant now and I am so excited about it. My mother is very happy with just a thought of me being pregant. It doesn’t matter to her whether it would be a girl or a boy. But thats not how my mother-in-law thinks.
My mother-in-law has been a working women herself, mother of a very successful girl who ia a doctor now, but she still wants a boy. she says, if not this one, the next one hopefully, she says.
We could make laws more strict and we may even succeed with the law enforcement, but will people start thinking differently, i’m not sure.
Archna,
I have one serious case with my relative, she have two girls child, she love both but she want one boy also, she don’t want third girls child and she don’t want aborson also. She is going under depration day by day, we want to consult that Dr, to save her family life, if she will get sick or ill her daughters will also suffure, whom she loves
To save her family please provde Dr contat number for good suggestion and avoiding aborson
Thank in advance for support girl child good life, very impressiong artical
Thanks,
Hi Archana,
Finally found your blog!!
was wondering where your blog disappeared to.
As a girl and an only child…I did face quite a few instances where people sympathized with me for not having a brother though it never bothered me
Infact, some went to question my parents incessantly as to why they didn’t consider trying for a son 
But my parents were thankfully not so biased enough as to consider such comments seriously. I feel that this issue to a larger extent is because of lack of awareness amongst the women but then again…I see some who are pressured into aborting a girl child by in-laws and husbands themselves.
The worst cases are where no matter whatever counseling and guidance is provided they still insist on having a boy.
Хм… даже такое бывает.
Hi Archana
First of all it looks like, you havent been blogging much in the recent past. So we all would like you to start blogging actively again.
Coming back to your post. You have a point for sure, but I would like to pin my thoughts on
“My dad has two daughters and now I recall several instances when people used to express regret that he does not have a son. I just cannot understand this attitude”
My dad has two sons and I am the eldest. My grandma and all relatives always regret the fact that my parents didnt go for a third child to have a baby girl. So we can not entirely judge the attitude with people showing their disappointment for either not have a baby boy or a baby girl.
However, this is no way a criteria to have the right to know the sex of the child. A couple should just plan for a child and not for a designer family.